How do I Deal with Every Day Stress?

2013-06-20 13.28.20I don’t know how my fellow fibro warriors handle stress but I’m really struggling. I know it’s a lot to handle. My son, who I mentioned before, with special needs is 7 years old. He was born very premature and only weighed 1lb 2oz. That’s insane to me. He is a fighter but he ended up coming home 7 months after he was born. He came home with a trach and ventilator. He had a g-tube, feeding pump, oxygen concentrator etc.

It was seven hard but very rewarding years and I’m so thankful to God that he is doing a lot better. He only has the g-tube left, he eats by mouth (although we feed him) and he is generally in a good mood. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I am. He is a good boy. He is generally happy and easy going. He doesn’t throw fits and is very lovable giving hugs and kisses (well he lets us give him kisses). I only struggle with how big he’s getting, the fact he is still in diapers and he doesn’t talk. He doesn’t know how to defend himself and he is way too trusting.

He is going to start school soon and I’m so scared. It is a good program ABA, and I know it can really help him, but he can’t tell me what happened in his day. He can’t tell me if someone hurt him. He will have someone One on one but it’s so hard to trust someone I don’t know. How do I handle all this stress!

I love my baby boy so very much. Just like all of my kids, 5 in total. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I’m so honored that God allowed me to be their mother and raise them. I couldn’t have done it without my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Sincerely,

Serenity

“Never give up ‘

Another Day Another Struggle

I started today with hope. I finally have a way to express how I feel. I can finally connect with others who understand because they’ve been there or are there. You know what I mean.
If I ever confuse you with my writing I’m very sorry. I tend to write the way I think. And it’s usually mixed up or my mind is way ahead of my typing. Just as I will try to clear it up.
So today I decided to fight the battle strong 💪! I was going to get up at 6:30 am??? Lol yeah that didn’t happen. Well, I did get up around 8 am. I even rode my exercise bike for 40 minutes. I stopped because my fitbit died from not being charged lol. Why ride if it isn’t being counted, right?
I got my son up. He has special needs (that’s a whole other story). I made us breakfast and fed him. I was determined not to go to bed again. Yeah, that didn’t happen.
While I was laying in bed I started thinking. “Why did I lie down? I really wasn’t feeling too bad?” I realized that I am still battling myself . My mind is telling me “I need to lie down”. But, my body is still at around a level 3 or 4 in pain. Which is pretty livable for me. I don’t know. I guess I realized, that my mind is a whole other struggle I have to fight.
Not only my emotions. Which, you can ask my husband, are crazy out of control sometimes. Even my quiet mind that is kinda on autopilot. I need to be more conscious of my decisions. I need to be more disciplined. It is so hard to know the balance. If I push too hard, I end up going backwards. One step forward two steps back.
Does anyone else feel this way? How do you overcome this obstacle that is your own mind?
Please share your experience.
Sincerely,
Serenity
” Never Give Up!

Still Me, Why Don’t I Feel Like Me?

Did you ever feel like if you move you could just start over? It’s funny because no matter where I go I’m still going to be me. If I can’t handle my problems and issued here why would it be different anywhere else?

I know I can’t run away from my problems, my pain and believe it or not, my emotions. I feel so out of control, so overwhelmed. All I want is to feel normal again.

When I look in the mirror I don’t see myself. A glimpse maybe but 100lbs heavier. It’s so depressing. I worked hard to lose the weight over and over. It was a life long battle and I still haven’t given up. The problem is I don’t remember how to eat healthy. I have never really learned that completely. I lost weight by greatly limiting what I ate, but mostly by exercising, a lot.

I started out heavy as a child. My mom, bless her soul, was a young mother and I was her first child. She thought I didn’t like the formula so she gave me whole mike with honey. Honey?! I know I could have died but God took care of me. I honestly think this set up my slow metabolism and love of sweets. So began my battle with the bulge.

I was the heavy kid throughout elementary school and high school. I wasn’t extremely heavy but it didn’t stop the ridicule from my peers. It’s amazing how I can’t remember what happened last week but I can remember 1st grade. To add insult to injury my parents took me to the eye doctor and I needed glasses. When I walked into my classroom the entire class erupted in laughter, pointing fingers and all. Even the play leaders, who were eight grade students who would take us to play outside. Even though they were students too, they were in the last grade before highschool. We looked up to them.

That was a sad day for me. I remember laying my head down on my desk and crying. I remember struggling to memorize all of the numbers, addition, subtraction, reading etc. I found it hard to concentrate. Homework took all of my time when I got home from school. After I cried to my mom for all the mean things the other kids said.

Life was hard even for a six year old little girl. I couldn’t run away from my life then and I can’t run away now. I’m still me, I just need to work to feel and look like myself again.

“Never give up”

Sincerely,

Serenity

My New Reality

I started this blog because I know there are many people who struggle, in many ways like myself. I was diagnosed with Charcot Marie Tooth, CMT, as a child. I struggled with weakness especially on my right side. I didn’t understand the magnitude of this when I was 8 years old.

Fast forward 28 years later, I am working as home care nurse. I had recently fallen with my patient but I took the fall. Meaning, he fell on me because I was not going to let him get hurt.

I felt a little sore but not too bad. I wasn’t even hurt enough to see the doctor so I reported it and went on. A day or two later I was at the kitchen sink and my left arm and hand felt numb. I shook my hand and went on.

The numbness continued it was affecting my arms, legs, hands, and feet. The numbness turned to stabbing pain, then burning pain, electrical surges going through my limbs, it just got worse and worse.

The “attacks” starting happening almost every day. It didn’t matter because the following day I couldn’t really use the affected limb. I was frustrated, scared, tired, weak, in a lot of pain, and unsure of what to do.

I saw my family doctor, he sent me to my neurologist. I explained my whole history to him and he examined me and said I was suffering from neuropathy pain. He said it probably wasn’t related to the fall but inevitable because of the CMT I have.

That’s when my chemical life really began. So many meds, so many side effects, I lost my job because I was no longer reliable. My depression was palpable. I am a born again Christian. God doesn’t give you more then you can handle but this felt like more.

This is the fork in my life. The turn toward my chemical life and the struggles I feel every day. If you want to hear more or discuss your battle please let me know. I will continue as much as possible.

Never give up.

Sincerely,

Serenity
Living with Fibromyalgia, CMT, etc……

This is the beginning of my chemical life.

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