Battered and Bruised

Why haven’t I written in a while? This is the question I’m asking myself. I think it’s because it’s so easy to become discouraged. I still feel like I take 1 step forward and 3 steps back.

So, what is the solution? I have known, the only way to improve is to not quit. I have really been struggling against depression, lately. I have not felt motivated, at all.

Even without motivation, I’ve worked on my art projects. It’s just something to do. I don’t go out anywhere, very often. I have been praying that God will help me through this. I know I couldn’t do this without His help.

I started doing better this year, until I pushed myself too far. It didn’t take long to fall into depression. I was so mad at myself for pushing too hard. I guess the important thing is to learn from these mistakes.

I mean, how can you know your boundaries and reach your potential if you don’t push yourself, right? I just don’t understand why I give up so easily now.

I was never this way before. If I had a goal and I “messed up”, I’d start over again or continue on without looking back. Life is hard, but God is good. Here’s a recent post I wrote on the CMT website. It reminded me about God’s grace, his mercy, and his help through all the hard times.

“I know how you feel. I was stubborn and went to school for nursing because I always had a love of medicine. I graduated to become an LPN and went back to finish my degree and become an RN. I did this raising my four young children basically on my own and with CMT. The demands of the job eventually took its toll and now I suffer from severe neuropathy pain and major depression. God has a reason for everything and I can say I’m very thankful for the nursing training I received. This is because my sister in law, who was very sick and pregnant, died giving birth to a micro-preemie named Travis. He weighed 1lbs 2oz at birth and needed a mom. He needed a mom who understood nursing. He came home with me. He came home with a trach, vent, g-tube (the works) and was extremely fragile. My nursing training became extremely important and I had to save his life several times. He is 8 years old now and only has a g-tube remaining from all the medical care devices he endured to keep him alive. He is autistic but is the sweetest most mild tempered boy you could ask for and he is greatly loved by all. Especially his mom and papa.
Now I work at home on mixed media artwork among many other jewelry, crafts and art projects to keep myself as busy as possible.”

I couldn’t have done any of this without God’s help. His grace is sufficient for me, therefore I will boast all the more in my weaknesses, so that His glory will shine.

Sincerely,

A battered and bruised slave of the Most High God!

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