No More Complaining

I just started this blog this past week and it has helped me. It has made me realize how negative I am. I complain a lot and feel sorry for myself. When I think about what I would like to say to anyone who is listening I don’t want to complain about everything I can’t do. I am done.
Instead of complaining I am going to look to God’s word for encouragement. First I will find what the bible says about complaining.

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,
Philippians 2:14‭-‬15 ESV

So, if I grumble or complain I am not blameless and innocent. Yes, I am saved by Jesus Christ dying on the cross for my sins, so in that way I am forgiven. But, I am supposed to shine as a light in the world as I live among others. When I am grumbling and complaining I am not shining as a light.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
Colossians 3:23‭-‬24 ESV

I need to remember that I am serving God in everything I do. I know that if I was doing something and I could see God watching I would do my best. I would not complain. We have probably all done it when our boss was watching. You try to do your best. God is always watching. He knows our thoughts. He knows how many hairs you have on your head. God is almighty, all powerful.
I just need to remember these verses. I know that with God’s help I will change to be the person He wants me to be.
Sincerely,
Serenity
“Never Give Up”

 

 

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Thinking and Committing to a Better Balanced Life

Today, I started by taking it easy. I am doing better from my vacuum fall. I realized that I am not doing the best to take care of myself. I feel stressed out and crabby, a lot of times, but I don’t eat very well.

I realized that I can’t function well, if I don’t eat enough nutritious food. Plus,I need to exercise more. At the same time, I need to not push myself too far because I don’t want to go backward.

I am not a big believer in “I’ll start tomorrow” because if I can’t do it today…Why tomorrow? I am a huge yo-yo dieter so I remember those days. I am learning more about myself, little by little.

So I started today. I actually ate breakfast, lunch (late but better than not), an apple for a snack and some chicken for dinner. I really am  an example of, a very obese person who is malnourished. I would normally eat cereal for breakfast, no lunch. I’m ashamed to say now, but I would eat some candy to have a little energy, in the late afternoon. Then, something for dinner or ice cream if I didn’t want to cook. I know it is horrible. I take vitamins but it’s not the same.

I don’t have much of an appetite because of side effects of meds. If I haven’t been very active I have no appetite. As far as exercise goes, I ride my exercise bike 30 -45 minutes, 4-5 times a week. I only do this much because, last year I came very close to having peripheral artery disease, PAD. I used to exercise, almost everyday, before the neuropathy pain started.

I stopped exercising because I found the neuropathy pain would feel worse. Last year, the pain in my feet and legs far surpassed the neuropathy pain. My feet were turning dark blue and purple, then bright red and the pain was unbearable. My doctor sent me for a test that showed I did have PAD. My doc was very concerned because I am only in my forties. He said he wouldn’t be surprised if I was 20-25 years older, but he needed to find out what was going on. I was terrified. I’d been to the ER a few times already, so I realized I needed to do something.

I started riding the exercise bike, I pushed myself hard. Riding 1-1 1\2 hours everyday. When I would lay down, after I rode, I would feel little pulses all over my legs.I really think I was border line PAD and God gave me a wake up call. The next test showed no PAD! Praise the Lord!

So, I know if God can help me to pass that pain and exercise I really can, “do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. I really need to lose 100 pounds. I know I need to do this through good nutrition and exercise. I have lost 70 lbs before, I know the key to success. It is consistency, being stubborn and continuing, no matter what. If I messed up one day, I went right back on my diet, the very next day. I also exercised about 3 hours everyday.

I’m not even going to pretend and say it was easy. It was a fight and I need to fight again. I’m telling everyone who reads my blog, I am starting my healthy diet and exercise today. I will keep you posted and you can keep me accountable. Here’s to a good start. Wish me luck.

Sincerely,

Serenity

” Never Give Up! “

Featured post

il_570xN.1002615186_bm3wI thought it would tell you about my Etsy Shop, and how I started on my love of crafting. My mom loved to sew, crochet, cross stitch etc. She would work on crafts with my brother, my sister and myself. She would do crafts for the kids in children’s church and VBS.

I caught the crafting bug and worked on projects with her. When I got married and started having kids crafting went to the wayside. Then I was forced to stop working because of neuropathy pain. My kids were growing up and didn’t need me so much.

I was becoming very bored and depressed. Then my hubby reminded me. He said “didn’t you like to do crafts with your mom?” Then I thought about how we worked on a doll house together and I loved miniatures.

That is where it all started. I went on from miniatures to wanting to make jewelry. I started to research and learn about different jewelry types and techniques and materials. I always loved beads, yarns, different colored and textured materials, ribbons, cords etc.

That is when I discovered Kumihimo. Although other cultures made braids similar, the Japanese Kumihimo caught my interest. It means “gathered threads” or “braided cords” and was a technique used by Japanese people a long time ago. They would make belts for their kimono clothing, for button closures, ornamental braids for hair decorations, religious items and even for the battle gear worn by the mighty Samurai warriors. I was so curious and excited waiting for my first disk and instructions. I found an awesome seller on eBay. It seemed complicated but I knew I could learn.

This began my love of Kumihimo, beading and making many different kinds of jewelry. Many times when people look at the Kumihimo jewelry they don’t realize how much work goes into making, for example one necklace. It is made with 8 or more individual cords, silks, yarns etc. Then I weave them together adding beads, and closures to finish each completely unique,  and one of a kind piece of jewelry. This is why customization is possible and completely unique.

I hope you enjoyed my introduction to my main product in my shop. I plan on posting some tutorials of Kumihimo projects so we can make some projects together ❤. And I can pass my love of Kumihimo on.

Sincerely,

Serenity

“Never Give Up”

 

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Downward Facing Vacuum Cleaner?

So two days ago, I was trying to clean up a little after I babysat for my sister-in-law. That was a rough day but I was feeling somewhat better, at that point. I still forget that I can’t do everything I used to do. I used to be able to clean my whole house in one day. Not anymore!

I got the vacuum cleaner out, connected the attachment, and nonchalantly tried to step over it. Big mistake, my foot didn’t make it over. I fell on/over my Kirby vacuum cleaner. I laid there, on the floor, for a little while. Contemplating how incredibly stupid that was for me to do.

I didn’t hurt too much. I usually pay the next day or two. My hubby walked in the front door to see his wife face down on the floor. He seriously asked me. “What are you doing?” I started laughing . What does it look like I’m doing? Yoga on top of the vacuum cleaner blocking the front door. “I tripped over the vacuum cleaner” I felt like such an idiot.

Last night, my leg started hurting really bad when I was trying to go to sleep. Sharp, shooting pain went up and down my right upper leg. I used pain relieving cream and cried myself to sleep.

Today, it isn’t better. I am using crutches again. I always feel like I take one step forward and two back. I pray I feel better by tomorrow. I’m going to spend the day with my son, and I want to take good care of him.

So, I hope it isn’t something serious. I will keep you posted. On the bright side, I will be able to post more items in my shop. I’m not sure what my next project should be. Any ideas?

Please keep me in your prayers.

Sincerely,

Serenity

“Never give up”

 

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My New Reality

I started this blog because I know there are many people who struggle, in many ways like myself. I was diagnosed with Charcot Marie Tooth, CMT, as a child. I struggled with weakness especially on my right side. I didn’t understand the magnitude of this when I was 8 years old.

Fast forward 28 years later, I am working as home care nurse. I had recently fallen with my patient but I took the fall. Meaning, he fell on me because I was not going to let him get hurt.

I felt a little sore but not too bad. I wasn’t even hurt enough to see the doctor so I reported it and went on. A day or two later I was at the kitchen sink and my left arm and hand felt numb. I shook my hand and went on.

The numbness continued it was affecting my arms, legs, hands, and feet. The numbness turned to stabbing pain, then burning pain, electrical surges going through my limbs, it just got worse and worse.

The “attacks” starting happening almost every day. It didn’t matter because the following day I couldn’t really use the affected limb. I was frustrated, scared, tired, weak, in a lot of pain, and unsure of what to do.

I saw my family doctor, he sent me to my neurologist. I explained my whole history to him and he examined me and said I was suffering from neuropathy pain. He said it probably wasn’t related to the fall but inevitable because of the CMT I have.

That’s when my chemical life really began. So many meds, so many side effects, I lost my job because I was no longer reliable. My depression was palpable. I am a born again Christian. God doesn’t give you more then you can handle but this felt like more.

This is the fork in my life. The turn toward my chemical life and the struggles I feel every day. If you want to hear more or discuss your battle please let me know. I will continue as much as possible.

Never give up.

Sincerely,

Serenity
Living with Fibromyalgia, CMT, etc……

This is the beginning of my chemical life.

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Fighting Depression

Well, I always say, “don’t ask if it could get worse because it always can”. I have really been struggling with back pain, these past few weeks. So, I have really been fighting depression.

It’s easy to fall into depression. There are times I don’t even realize I’m depressed. Eventually, it makes itself undeniably evident.

So, what is depression? I do believe, physically, it has to do with chemical imbalances. Although, I think it has more to it than just imbalanced neurotransmitters.

At it’s root, for me anyway, it is a manifestation of ungratefulness. I feel unhappy about everything. The reality is that I have a lot to be thankful for. The number one reason I have to be thankful is that God loves me. He sent his son to die on the cross in my place. Sin is an awful burden to bear and Jesus bore my sins. He paid my price. What more do I need to be grateful and thankful.

This pain of this life is temporary. I’ve been reading Hope when it Hurts by Kristen Wetherell and Sarah Walton. My sister Liz brought it to me when I really needed it. I’m very thankful for my family in Christ.

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed.

2 Corinthians 4:8

Even though this book is sad, it gives me hope and reminds me that God is using this pain for my good. I am relying on him because I cannot do this on my own. I’m so thankful that I may be afflicted but I will not be crushed. No matter how hard it feels like I’m being crushed. This pain is only temporary because this life is temporary. It should be a reminder of what I have been saved from, an eternity of pain separated from God. One day, I will see the big picture. One day, I will understand the reason for this suffering. One day, I will be with my loving Savior and that will be my eternity. No pain, no tears, no suffering just happiness and love in God’s amazing glory.

How can I feel depressed? My sins have been forgiven. I have been set free from the burden of this body. I’m so thankful for Jesus Christ, my wonderful Savior.

Battered and Bruised

Why haven’t I written in a while? This is the question I’m asking myself. I think it’s because it’s so easy to become discouraged. I still feel like I take 1 step forward and 3 steps back.

So, what is the solution? I have known, the only way to improve is to not quit. I have really been struggling against depression, lately. I have not felt motivated, at all.

Even without motivation, I’ve worked on my art projects. It’s just something to do. I don’t go out anywhere, very often. I have been praying that God will help me through this. I know I couldn’t do this without His help.

I started doing better this year, until I pushed myself too far. It didn’t take long to fall into depression. I was so mad at myself for pushing too hard. I guess the important thing is to learn from these mistakes.

I mean, how can you know your boundaries and reach your potential if you don’t push yourself, right? I just don’t understand why I give up so easily now.

I was never this way before. If I had a goal and I “messed up”, I’d start over again or continue on without looking back. Life is hard, but God is good. Here’s a recent post I wrote on the CMT website. It reminded me about God’s grace, his mercy, and his help through all the hard times.

“I know how you feel. I was stubborn and went to school for nursing because I always had a love of medicine. I graduated to become an LPN and went back to finish my degree and become an RN. I did this raising my four young children basically on my own and with CMT. The demands of the job eventually took its toll and now I suffer from severe neuropathy pain and major depression. God has a reason for everything and I can say I’m very thankful for the nursing training I received. This is because my sister in law, who was very sick and pregnant, died giving birth to a micro-preemie named Travis. He weighed 1lbs 2oz at birth and needed a mom. He needed a mom who understood nursing. He came home with me. He came home with a trach, vent, g-tube (the works) and was extremely fragile. My nursing training became extremely important and I had to save his life several times. He is 8 years old now and only has a g-tube remaining from all the medical care devices he endured to keep him alive. He is autistic but is the sweetest most mild tempered boy you could ask for and he is greatly loved by all. Especially his mom and papa.
Now I work at home on mixed media artwork among many other jewelry, crafts and art projects to keep myself as busy as possible.”

I couldn’t have done any of this without God’s help. His grace is sufficient for me, therefore I will boast all the more in my weaknesses, so that His glory will shine.

Sincerely,

A battered and bruised slave of the Most High God!

I haven’t been on here, for a little while, because I started to feel sick. It started out with a sinus infection, which wasn’t improving. I went to medpoint, the doctor prescribed antibiotics.

These are not the normal amoxicillin. These antibiotics will wipe out everything in its path. I downed these “horse pills” as Eddie called them, with kefir. I started feeling better, little by little.

By the beginning of the next week, I was feeling pretty good. I went to church on Sunday and had a really great time. We sang and listened to different missionaries speak. We were sending out our own missionary family so it was happy and sad. We stayed for a carry in lunch after and that was a lot of fun. I talked and laughed with my wonderful friend Liz. It was so good to see everyone!

This is were I struggle the most. I want to be a part of our church family, as much, as possible. I feel that, every time I take one step forward, I take two steps back. My throat started hurting in the middle of the week. By Wednesday, I felt like I had strep throat, and it hurt very much.

I went to medpoint again. The doctor, nurse, and myself all thought it was strep throat, but the step test came back negative. She did another test that was negative. So the diagnosis was viral pharyngitis. Recoup with rest and fluids.   

Then the infection tried to spread down, into my lungs, but I’m diligent with removing, as much mucous, as I can. I will spare you the colors that came out of my lungs. So, were else can it spread…to my ears. I hadn’t had an ear infection since I was a kid. My ears were hurting, and pumping like someone playing a drum. I took over the counter medicine, and my emergency inhaler to help keep my lungs clear.

So today, I’m feeling a little better, my ear isn’t hurting so much. I just can’t hear very well. My head feels stuffed and sound is muffled to me. I was down for the count because I had a heavy dose of fibromyalgia pain today, as well.

I told Eddie, the sickness and the fibro are a good, one, two, punch. And I’m down for the count. I slept most of the day. It is hard to not feel guilty when I’m not up cleaning the house, working on projects, or cooking dinner.

# I have to remind myself I need to rest.

# I need to remember to drink plenty of fluids.

# Even if I sleep all day, my body needed the sleep to help recover.

#Don’t push myself too far.

#Don’t have false guilt.

Most of all, when I was awake, I prayed to my precious Lord Jesus Christ. He is always with me, and he understands the pain I’m going through. He has assigned my trials to me to mold me into His image. And in this I rejoice!

And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter’s hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do.
Jeremiah 18:4 ESV

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