No More Complaining

I just started this blog this past week and it has helped me. It has made me realize how negative I am. I complain a lot and feel sorry for myself. When I think about what I would like to say to anyone who is listening I don’t want to complain about everything I can’t do. I am done.
Instead of complaining I am going to look to God’s word for encouragement. First I will find what the bible says about complaining.

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,
Philippians 2:14‭-‬15 ESV

So, if I grumble or complain I am not blameless and innocent. Yes, I am saved by Jesus Christ dying on the cross for my sins, so in that way I am forgiven. But, I am supposed to shine as a light in the world as I live among others. When I am grumbling and complaining I am not shining as a light.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
Colossians 3:23‭-‬24 ESV

I need to remember that I am serving God in everything I do. I know that if I was doing something and I could see God watching I would do my best. I would not complain. We have probably all done it when our boss was watching. You try to do your best. God is always watching. He knows our thoughts. He knows how many hairs you have on your head. God is almighty, all powerful.
I just need to remember these verses. I know that with God’s help I will change to be the person He wants me to be.
Sincerely,
Serenity
“Never Give Up”

 

 

Thinking and Committing to a Better Balanced Life

Today, I started by taking it easy. I am doing better from my vacuum fall. I realized that I am not doing the best to take care of myself. I feel stressed out and crabby, a lot of times, but I don’t eat very well.

I realized that I can’t function well, if I don’t eat enough nutritious food. Plus,I need to exercise more. At the same time, I need to not push myself too far because I don’t want to go backward.

I am not a big believer in “I’ll start tomorrow” because if I can’t do it today…Why tomorrow? I am a huge yo-yo dieter so I remember those days. I am learning more about myself, little by little.

So I started today. I actually ate breakfast, lunch (late but better than not), an apple for a snack and some chicken for dinner. I really am  an example of, a very obese person who is malnourished. I would normally eat cereal for breakfast, no lunch. I’m ashamed to say now, but I would eat some candy to have a little energy, in the late afternoon. Then, something for dinner or ice cream if I didn’t want to cook. I know it is horrible. I take vitamins but it’s not the same.

I don’t have much of an appetite because of side effects of meds. If I haven’t been very active I have no appetite. As far as exercise goes, I ride my exercise bike 30 -45 minutes, 4-5 times a week. I only do this much because, last year I came very close to having peripheral artery disease, PAD. I used to exercise, almost everyday, before the neuropathy pain started.

I stopped exercising because I found the neuropathy pain would feel worse. Last year, the pain in my feet and legs far surpassed the neuropathy pain. My feet were turning dark blue and purple, then bright red and the pain was unbearable. My doctor sent me for a test that showed I did have PAD. My doc was very concerned because I am only in my forties. He said he wouldn’t be surprised if I was 20-25 years older, but he needed to find out what was going on. I was terrified. I’d been to the ER a few times already, so I realized I needed to do something.

I started riding the exercise bike, I pushed myself hard. Riding 1-1 1\2 hours everyday. When I would lay down, after I rode, I would feel little pulses all over my legs.I really think I was border line PAD and God gave me a wake up call. The next test showed no PAD! Praise the Lord!

So, I know if God can help me to pass that pain and exercise I really can, “do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. I really need to lose 100 pounds. I know I need to do this through good nutrition and exercise. I have lost 70 lbs before, I know the key to success. It is consistency, being stubborn and continuing, no matter what. If I messed up one day, I went right back on my diet, the very next day. I also exercised about 3 hours everyday.

I’m not even going to pretend and say it was easy. It was a fight and I need to fight again. I’m telling everyone who reads my blog, I am starting my healthy diet and exercise today. I will keep you posted and you can keep me accountable. Here’s to a good start. Wish me luck.

Sincerely,

Serenity

” Never Give Up! “

About Serenity Design’s

il_570xN.1002615186_bm3wI thought it would tell you about my Etsy Shop, and how I started on my love of crafting. My mom loved to sew, crochet, cross stitch etc. She would work on crafts with my brother, my sister and myself. She would do crafts for the kids in children’s church and VBS.

I caught the crafting bug and worked on projects with her. When I got married and started having kids crafting went to the wayside. Then I was forced to stop working because of neuropathy pain. My kids were growing up and didn’t need me so much.

I was becoming very bored and depressed. Then my hubby reminded me. He said “didn’t you like to do crafts with your mom?” Then I thought about how we worked on a doll house together and I loved miniatures.

That is where it all started. I went on from miniatures to wanting to make jewelry. I started to research and learn about different jewelry types and techniques and materials. I always loved beads, yarns, different colored and textured materials, ribbons, cords etc.

That is when I discovered Kumihimo. Although other cultures made braids similar, the Japanese Kumihimo caught my interest. It means “gathered threads” or “braided cords” and was a technique used by Japanese people a long time ago. They would make belts for their kimono clothing, for button closures, ornamental braids for hair decorations, religious items and even for the battle gear worn by the mighty Samurai warriors. I was so curious and excited waiting for my first disk and instructions. I found an awesome seller on eBay. It seemed complicated but I knew I could learn.

This began my love of Kumihimo, beading and making many different kinds of jewelry. Many times when people look at the Kumihimo jewelry they don’t realize how much work goes into making, for example one necklace. It is made with 8 or more individual cords, silks, yarns etc. Then I weave them together adding beads, and closures to finish each completely unique,  and one of a kind piece of jewelry. This is why customization is possible and completely unique.

I hope you enjoyed my introduction to my main product in my shop. I plan on posting some tutorials of Kumihimo projects so we can make some projects together ❤. And I can pass my love of Kumihimo on.

Sincerely,

Serenity

“Never Give Up”

 

Downward Facing Vacuum Cleaner?

So two days ago, I was trying to clean up a little after I babysat for my sister-in-law. That was a rough day but I was feeling somewhat better, at that point. I still forget that I can’t do everything I used to do. I used to be able to clean my whole house in one day. Not anymore!

I got the vacuum cleaner out, connected the attachment, and nonchalantly tried to step over it. Big mistake, my foot didn’t make it over. I fell on/over my Kirby vacuum cleaner. I laid there, on the floor, for a little while. Contemplating how incredibly stupid that was for me to do.

I didn’t hurt too much. I usually pay the next day or two. My hubby walked in the front door to see his wife face down on the floor. He seriously asked me. “What are you doing?” I started laughing . What does it look like I’m doing? Yoga on top of the vacuum cleaner blocking the front door. “I tripped over the vacuum cleaner” I felt like such an idiot.

Last night, my leg started hurting really bad when I was trying to go to sleep. Sharp, shooting pain went up and down my right upper leg. I used pain relieving cream and cried myself to sleep.

Today, it isn’t better. I am using crutches again. I always feel like I take one step forward and two back. I pray I feel better by tomorrow. I’m going to spend the day with my son, and I want to take good care of him.

So, I hope it isn’t something serious. I will keep you posted. On the bright side, I will be able to post more items in my shop. I’m not sure what my next project should be. Any ideas?

Please keep me in your prayers.

Sincerely,

Serenity

“Never give up”

 

My New Reality

I started this blog because I know there are many people who struggle, in many ways like myself. I was diagnosed with Charcot Marie Tooth, CMT, as a child. I struggled with weakness especially on my right side. I didn’t understand the magnitude of this when I was 8 years old.

Fast forward 28 years later, I am working as home care nurse. I had recently fallen with my patient but I took the fall. Meaning, he fell on me because I was not going to let him get hurt.

I felt a little sore but not too bad. I wasn’t even hurt enough to see the doctor so I reported it and went on. A day or two later I was at the kitchen sink and my left arm and hand felt numb. I shook my hand and went on.

The numbness continued it was affecting my arms, legs, hands, and feet. The numbness turned to stabbing pain, then burning pain, electrical surges going through my limbs, it just got worse and worse.

The “attacks” starting happening almost every day. It didn’t matter because the following day I couldn’t really use the affected limb. I was frustrated, scared, tired, weak, in a lot of pain, and unsure of what to do.

I saw my family doctor, he sent me to my neurologist. I explained my whole history to him and he examined me and said I was suffering from neuropathy pain. He said it probably wasn’t related to the fall but inevitable because of the CMT I have.

That’s when my chemical life really began. So many meds, so many side effects, I lost my job because I was no longer reliable. My depression was palpable. I am a born again Christian. God doesn’t give you more then you can handle but this felt like more.

This is the fork in my life. The turn toward my chemical life and the struggles I feel every day. If you want to hear more or discuss your battle please let me know. I will continue as much as possible.

Never give up.

Sincerely,

Serenity
Living with Fibromyalgia, CMT, etc……

This is the beginning of my chemical life.

Dealing with Sickness

I haven’t been on here, for a little while, because I started to feel sick. It started out with a sinus infection, which wasn’t improving. I went to medpoint, the doctor prescribed antibiotics.

These are not the normal amoxicillin. These antibiotics will wipe out everything in its path. I downed these “horse pills” as Eddie called them, with kefir. I started feeling better, little by little.

By the beginning of the next week, I was feeling pretty good. I went to church on Sunday and had a really great time. We sang and listened to different missionaries speak. We were sending out our own missionary family so it was happy and sad. We stayed for a carry in lunch after and that was a lot of fun. I talked and laughed with my wonderful friend Liz. It was so good to see everyone!

This is were I struggle the most. I want to be a part of our church family, as much, as possible. I feel that, every time I take one step forward, I take two steps back. My throat started hurting in the middle of the week. By Wednesday, I felt like I had strep throat, and it hurt very much.

I went to medpoint again. The doctor, nurse, and myself all thought it was strep throat, but the step test came back negative. She did another test that was negative. So the diagnosis was viral pharyngitis. Recoup with rest and fluids.   

Then the infection tried to spread down, into my lungs, but I’m diligent with removing, as much mucous, as I can. I will spare you the colors that came out of my lungs. So, were else can it spread…to my ears. I hadn’t had an ear infection since I was a kid. My ears were hurting, and pumping like someone playing a drum. I took over the counter medicine, and my emergency inhaler to help keep my lungs clear.

So today, I’m feeling a little better, my ear isn’t hurting so much. I just can’t hear very well. My head feels stuffed and sound is muffled to me. I was down for the count because I had a heavy dose of fibromyalgia pain today, as well.

I told Eddie, the sickness and the fibro are a good, one, two, punch. And I’m down for the count. I slept most of the day. It is hard to not feel guilty when I’m not up cleaning the house, working on projects, or cooking dinner.

# I have to remind myself I need to rest.

# I need to remember to drink plenty of fluids.

# Even if I sleep all day, my body needed the sleep to help recover.

#Don’t push myself too far.

#Don’t have false guilt.

Most of all, when I was awake, I prayed to my precious Lord Jesus Christ. He is always with me, and he understands the pain I’m going through. He has assigned my trials to me to mold me into His image. And in this I rejoice!

And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter’s hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do.
Jeremiah 18:4 ESV

How do I Deal with Every Day Stress?

2013-06-20 13.28.20I don’t know how my fellow fibro warriors handle stress but I’m really struggling. I know it’s a lot to handle. My son, who I mentioned before, with special needs is 7 years old. He was born very premature and only weighed 1lb 2oz. That’s insane to me. He is a fighter but he ended up coming home 7 months after he was born. He came home with a trach and ventilator. He had a g-tube, feeding pump, oxygen concentrator etc.

It was seven hard but very rewarding years and I’m so thankful to God that he is doing a lot better. He only has the g-tube left, he eats by mouth (although we feed him) and he is generally in a good mood. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I am. He is a good boy. He is generally happy and easy going. He doesn’t throw fits and is very lovable giving hugs and kisses (well he lets us give him kisses). I only struggle with how big he’s getting, the fact he is still in diapers and he doesn’t talk. He doesn’t know how to defend himself and he is way too trusting.

He is going to start school soon and I’m so scared. It is a good program ABA, and I know it can really help him, but he can’t tell me what happened in his day. He can’t tell me if someone hurt him. He will have someone One on one but it’s so hard to trust someone I don’t know. How do I handle all this stress!

I love my baby boy so very much. Just like all of my kids, 5 in total. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I’m so honored that God allowed me to be their mother and raise them. I couldn’t have done it without my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Sincerely,

Serenity

“Never give up ‘

Another Day Another Struggle

I started today with hope. I finally have a way to express how I feel. I can finally connect with others who understand because they’ve been there or are there. You know what I mean.
If I ever confuse you with my writing I’m very sorry. I tend to write the way I think. And it’s usually mixed up or my mind is way ahead of my typing. Just as I will try to clear it up.
So today I decided to fight the battle strong 💪! I was going to get up at 6:30 am??? Lol yeah that didn’t happen. Well, I did get up around 8 am. I even rode my exercise bike for 40 minutes. I stopped because my fitbit died from not being charged lol. Why ride if it isn’t being counted, right?
I got my son up. He has special needs (that’s a whole other story). I made us breakfast and fed him. I was determined not to go to bed again. Yeah, that didn’t happen.
While I was laying in bed I started thinking. “Why did I lie down? I really wasn’t feeling too bad?” I realized that I am still battling myself . My mind is telling me “I need to lie down”. But, my body is still at around a level 3 or 4 in pain. Which is pretty livable for me. I don’t know. I guess I realized, that my mind is a whole other struggle I have to fight.
Not only my emotions. Which, you can ask my husband, are crazy out of control sometimes. Even my quiet mind that is kinda on autopilot. I need to be more conscious of my decisions. I need to be more disciplined. It is so hard to know the balance. If I push too hard, I end up going backwards. One step forward two steps back.
Does anyone else feel this way? How do you overcome this obstacle that is your own mind?
Please share your experience.
Sincerely,
Serenity
” Never Give Up!

Still Me, Why Don’t I Feel Like Me?

Did you ever feel like if you move you could just start over? It’s funny because no matter where I go I’m still going to be me. If I can’t handle my problems and issued here why would it be different anywhere else?

I know I can’t run away from my problems, my pain and believe it or not, my emotions. I feel so out of control, so overwhelmed. All I want is to feel normal again.

When I look in the mirror I don’t see myself. A glimpse maybe but 100lbs heavier. It’s so depressing. I worked hard to lose the weight over and over. It was a life long battle and I still haven’t given up. The problem is I don’t remember how to eat healthy. I have never really learned that completely. I lost weight by greatly limiting what I ate, but mostly by exercising, a lot.

I started out heavy as a child. My mom, bless her soul, was a young mother and I was her first child. She thought I didn’t like the formula so she gave me whole mike with honey. Honey?! I know I could have died but God took care of me. I honestly think this set up my slow metabolism and love of sweets. So began my battle with the bulge.

I was the heavy kid throughout elementary school and high school. I wasn’t extremely heavy but it didn’t stop the ridicule from my peers. It’s amazing how I can’t remember what happened last week but I can remember 1st grade. To add insult to injury my parents took me to the eye doctor and I needed glasses. When I walked into my classroom the entire class erupted in laughter, pointing fingers and all. Even the play leaders, who were eight grade students who would take us to play outside. Even though they were students too, they were in the last grade before highschool. We looked up to them.

That was a sad day for me. I remember laying my head down on my desk and crying. I remember struggling to memorize all of the numbers, addition, subtraction, reading etc. I found it hard to concentrate. Homework took all of my time when I got home from school. After I cried to my mom for all the mean things the other kids said.

Life was hard even for a six year old little girl. I couldn’t run away from my life then and I can’t run away now. I’m still me, I just need to work to feel and look like myself again.

“Never give up”

Sincerely,

Serenity